Beloved,
Today the sun is out. Whenever the sun is out, it is a good day. I even got to sunbathe for 15 minutes until the phone rang and I received another request to borrow money from a family member. I leaned to say no in my travels through life but my weakness is my family. The requests always upset me as I struggle with myself. If I can donate to strangers, why can I not do it for my own family? With strangers we feel free to say either yes or no, with family there appears to be no choice. I struggle mightily with my answer as I feel I am on a seesaw, yes one minute and no the next minute.
If my loan would help avert a crisis, that is one thing. But…there always seem to be a crisis. And…they are legitimate crisis’. Being overdrawn at the bank so the automatic deposit will be taken to pay it thus leaving me no money to pay the rent…. the check for my rent bounced and I received an eviction notice….I don’t have money for my prescriptions which are ever so necessary….my car insurance is cancelled so how can I get to work or anywhere else. Soooo, my loan helps only in the moment until the next crisis
Most families have one person who seems to take on all the burdens even if they are self made. One scapegoat that has such a low personal opinion that they fulfill that prophecy to the letter. I am well aware that they are here for us to be able to find forgiveness, compassion and wisdom. Every person in our life is here because we asked them to be. They are here so we can teach them as much as we are here to learn. I THOUGHT I HAD LEARNED ALREADY! All I want for my loved ones is they are healthy and happy. I try to stay out of their business and let them lead their own lives even if I do not agree with them about how to do it.
These people sincerely do not realize just how small their world is, it contains only them. It is like the caterpillar in the cocoon. If only they would reach out and share who they are in whatever small way they can, it would create an opening for the world to give back to them what they need. In their minds, they are trying as hard as they can and they cannot understand why these things keep happening to them. What they don’t realize is that they feed on drama. They need the drama to help them feel alive and when they are in drama, people give them what they think they need. What they need is self esteem and self love. What they need is to feel inside themselves is the love they are seeking from others . Love thyself first., fill thyself up with love so that you have love to give. If you are empty of love, you have none to spare. These people do not love themselves even though they carry the air about them that they do not need others. They isolate themselves from society so they will not feel the hurt of rejection. I have reached my limit though and demanded a consequence( other than repayment) that has to be fulfilled or my answer is NO for all future requests. This consequence is one that the person has been avoiding but which I feel will help down the road so it is not something that can be done just one time. It is to be done weekly or my bank is closed. I have promised this to myself and I do not break my promises even to myself. I guess I can call a promise a vow and they are sacred…at least to me.
I need to thank this person for bringing up in me my fear. My fear of not being enough for my family, of not having enough love to solve all their problems, of being vulnerable, of being angry with them for not being who I wish they were, of challenging myself for my IDEA of who a mother is or should be, of being independent because I never had anyone to depend on, of not trusting in the Universe to care for those I love, for not giving them enough credit to take care of themselves, for the arrogance I feel that I SHOULD be able to care for them, for failing my idea of what or who a mother is, for bring up all my perceived limitations that I might look at them and surrender them to my Higher Self and to God. These are gifts even when they do not feel like gifts. Do you ever receive these gifts? Do you have someone that challenges you, especially at Christmas?.
Thank you for letting me share this episode with you, it really helps my heart and mind to release all I am feeling. I am so grateful for you, without you there would be no need to write this newsletter as there would be no one to read it. You are THAT important to me.Let us be there for each other and not just because it is in this season of LOVE. Christ is born in everyone and I empty myself that the Christ in Christmas is born in me.
I don’t know about you but I need some laughter and lighter energy about now. Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX9EAavxrus
I’m sure you are aware that tomorrow, Dec 21 is the Solstice. Hurray, tonight is the longest night of the year so from now on, each day will get to be longer and there will be more daylight. There are many meanings to LIGHT so I will be happy to have more sunlight, more light in my ideas(AHA moments) and deeper aware and understanding in the Divine Light. Here is a great article that explains the rest.
http://spiritlibrary.com/kara-schallock/the-solstice-gateway-of-2013?utm_source=Spirit+Library+Updates&utm_campaign=a99d095b86-Daily_Update&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_ef6a5211f4-a99
My desire is that this Solstice awakens in you the opportunity of this Portal and use the energies of this time to awaken in you the LOVE THAT IS YOU. With this next link is the joy that is given by the simplest act of Love for one another. Let it bring Joy to your heart. After all that is the reason for the season, JOY!!!!
http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/family-life/great-kids/5yo-signs-for-deaf-parents-during-holiday-concert.html
—
Love and Light
Mary Grace
http://www.IAmMaryGrace.com
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.waleson5.com/marygrace.html
