A Surprise Gift from Mary Grace
I am pleased that you are accepting my surprise gift. The most frequent question from people I meet is about my tiara. You have seen my picture so you may be wondering about it, too. I am giving you, my most beloved reader, a sneak preview of my answer which will be published in my next book.
During my journey to find myself and my truth, I have been fortunate to have had many opportunities to learn. One of my favorite places to go when I need inspiration is to Mt. Shasta, California. I was attending a Mother’s Retreat honoring all the mothers in the world including Mother Earth, Mother Nature, Mother Mary, Quan Yin, Isis, and all the representations of the Mother Energy or Divine Feminine.
There was a young jeweler there named David who was selling his wares. He is inspired to create jewelry and his greatest pleasure is finding out WHO he created the piece for. Whether you are male or female, you just know when you see something that calls deeply to your heart. There was a tiara (David’s name for this piece of jewelry) on his table. He had originally created it for himself to wear in plays and dramas but because he only wanted to display it he had placed a hefty price tag on it so no one would be tempted to buy it. But he was happy to have people try it on. He told me to take my glasses off as the effect would be better without them. How right he was! I was strongly drawn to it in an instant but could not afford his price.
I then went into one of the healing rooms provided for a session with two women who were able to feel where you have blockages and then help you release them. During this session, to all our surprise, the Spirit of Jesus came through! He told me the tiara was created for me and I was to purchase it. I was taken back as my first thought was “I don’t have the money.” Needless to say, I was so surprised that my mind would not function rationally and with His energy cloaking me, I was in a euphoric state.
After the session, I went outside and saw that David was still there with his table of gorgeous jewelry. I told him what happened to me and he put up his hand as if to ward off any further conversation. “You don’t need to sell it to me, I just wanted you to know who you created it for as that is where you get your greatest pleasure”, said I. I was so relieved. I had done what Jesus asked me to do. My mind rationalized that since it was not really for sale, I could feel vindicated in not purchasing it.Please understand that I have loved Jesus with my heart and soul since I was a child. I can refuse him nothing – but I was happy and relieved I did not need to do this.
Three hours later, David, the jeweler, called me back to his table. He said he had prayed and meditated on the situation and realized that it definitely was created for me. Uh Oh, I was in trouble now. How could I now refuse to do what Jesus had asked of me? I did not have enough cash on me and I did not have enough money in my checking account. He was a small business man who did not accept credit cards. I was in a quandary as I had no other way of getting the money. David finally found a friend who would accept my credit card and give him the money in return. I was stuck… I placed the tiara on my head and suddenly, it felt like it belonged there.
When you wear rings or glasses or watches, you become accustomed to them being there and are no longer consciously aware of their presence. That is what happened to me – but it happened in an instant. There are people who can see auras which are the life force around every living thing. They have told me that the tiara is a part of my aura; it belonged there the whole time. In other words, part of my aura had been missing until then.
At the final celebration of the retreat where they were choosing women to represent all the Mothers, I wore it. I was chosen to represent Mother Earth which I felt to be quite an honor. Once I started wearing it, I could not take it off. The tiara completed me so much that when it was not on me, I literally felt as I would had my finger or ear or another part of my body been missing. When I was not wearing it, I was not whole.
Please realize that the human part of me was having a problem with this big time. I was always shy and preferred to be in the corner of a room rather than in the middle where everyone could see me. By wearing this, I was pushed and shoved right to the center stage. I did not know how to respond to the sudden stares and the questions of why I was wearing this and what did it mean to me. I did not know what to say when asked these questions. I could only speak my truth so I replied: “I wear this tiara as a symbol of my faith in Jesus.” It took all my love for Him and my faith in Him to be so radically different in the eyes of my fellow human beings.However, what we will not do for ourselves, we will do for those we love. I’m sure you have examples of this in your own life, too.
I wore it home on the plane enduring all the stares; I was quite uncomfortable with all of the attention, to say the least. My youngest son picked me up at the airport and just looked at me. No reaction. When we got to the luggage area, he suddenly stated with his hand across his eyes: “My mom is a hippie!” That statement sent me into laughter which relieved the tension of the moment. He was also relieved although embarrassed. My toughest challenge was yet to come.
I am a Eucharistic Minister and Lector in the Catholic Church so I am on the altar every week. All the way to Church, I argued with Jesus. “I cannot go up on the altar with this thing on my head. You cannot expect me to do that,” And finally, “I will not do it.” On and on it went. I even sat out in my car in the Church parking lot arguing with Him. Finally, I had an “AHA!” moment. I realized that if I did not wear the tiara as He had requested then I would be denying Him. It would be the same as when Peter denied him three times. I could not do that to Him, I loved Him too much to deny my relationship with him or anything that he had asked me to do. I went into the vestibule with a million butterflies in my stomach and my knees knocking so hard, I thought they could be heard. None of the other ministers acknowledged that there was anything different about me so I had no questions to answer.
In walked my pastor who did a double take. He asked: “What is that thing on your head?” I was shaking uncontrollably and my mind could not conceive of an appropriate answer. This was before I had become comfortable with my reply to people who ask. I could only think: “Oh, my God, how could I tell my priest that Jesus himself asked me to wear this.” Suddenly he asked: “Is that some kind of a tribal thing?” I replied shakily: “It could be Father, I am part Indian!” He said: “Oh!” That was the end of it; it was five years later before one of my fellow ministers had the courage to ask me why I wore it.
I wore it to work and everyone was aghast. Some people preferred to ignore me and ask my coworkers what was going on, but most people did not want to directly confront me or ask what it was. We exude feelings of confusion or confidence that other people pick up and respond to. I was not comfortable because of the stares and they responded to my anxiety with their own feelings of discomfort, which I in turn experienced as judgment and rejection. Eventually, as I grew more accustomed to being stared at, I was getting many more smiles, questions and compliments on the significance of it.
My supervisor at work, though, had a different reaction. He thought I was actually crazy and took steps to begin the process of letting me go. I went on vacation about four months later so some one filled in for me. When I got back, there was a picture on my blotter of my replacement: a cardboard band around her head, paper clip front and center. Needless to say, I was quite upset but never figured out who instigated this episode since no one would squeal on the perpetrator. I put responsibility on my supervisor who was quite aware of what had been occurring while I was gone, so the ball landed in his court. I went to EEO (Equal Employment Opportunity) and filed a complaint. It took two years with all of the process, and I could hardly wait for it to be over. About two months before I would be totally vindicated, just before Christmas, I was assured that I would win and he would lose his supervisory position. Christmas, the time of the birth of Jesus, is special to me as I focus on preparing my heart to be simple and pure for His birthing.
One morning, as I was calling the Light of Christ to come into me as I do every morning, I had another “AHA”. My heart was not pure; it was not free of resentment or bitterness after what I had been put through. How could I possibly call Jesus Christ into my heart when it was not prepared for His coming? Nothing and I mean NOTHING will separate me from feeling the Love of Jesus. If I have not forgiven my accuser and replaced the bitterness with Unconditional Love, then my heart was not a proper place to house the Greatest Embodiment of Unconditional Love. The following day, I went back to EEO and dropped the case against my supervisor despite being assured I would definitely win.
People thought I was crazy to have gone through all of this and drop it just when I was going to win. They did not understand that having the Love of Jesus in my heart was much more important to me than exacting revenge and being vindicated. I felt so much lighter and happier. When we are angry, it is we who carry around that burden, both on our shoulders and in our hearts. There is a saying by Landrum Bolling: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.” We cannot change the past; we can only go into the future with hope and gladness filling our hearts. That is the legacy we give to the world.
Postscript It has been 18 years since I was asked to wear this tiara and I have learned much by responding to Jesus’ call. Since then, many opportunities to learn unconditional love and forgiveness have been presented to me. The road has definitely not been easy, but with the clarity of hindsight, extremely worthwhile. And yes, I would do it all again, for I have exploded from a tiny bud too fearful to blossom into a glorious rose coming into full bloom, with much yet to give to my fellow brothers and sisters as we sojourn on this beloved Earth.