Beloved,
Have you ever felt fear from something you thought you would love?
I was in for quite a surprise this week. Ever since I have moved
here, I have wanted a door to go onto my deck that was all glass so
I would have an ever better view of the lake. I have a bow window in
my living room that overlooks the lake but a large portion of my
living room was wall and a solid exterior door which meant I had to
stand in front of the window to see the lake. I wanted to be able
to see the lake as I passed by into the kitchen from my office, my
spare room, my master bedroom and even the bathroom. The temperature
up here on the mountain is usually 5 degrees colder than down below.
This means I don’t get to open my exterior door for long once the
screens are in place so for most of the year, I don’t have full
view access through the door. That corner of my living room and my
view to the lake is closed.
Well, finally I ordered two exterior doors which were badly needed.
The storm doors for both doors are full glass doors so I can see
easily in the warm weather when I open the doors. One is new and
has a screen that shows up when I pull down the top part of the window.
I love these new inventions as I don’t have to remove the glass and
insert the screen twice a year. My new kitchen door is half window
and half door and it has a blind right inside the window which is so
easy to either pull up so the window is clear or I can also adjust
the blind to open or close. Both sills or thresholds had rotten wood
which I did not know about but was taken care of at the time of the
new installation.
I was so excited to finally be able to see the lake as I was passing
by the doorway to the living room. I always look as I am passing by
as I watch the birds and I can a little corner of the lake this way.
What surprised me was how I reacted each time I passed by now.
My heart would race as I automatically thought the door was open and
I felt fear. Fear that my door was open and I was not safe or
protected from anything outside. I WAS SHOCKED AT MY REACTION.
I went out one day to do yoga and do shopping and when I opened
my back door, the first thing I saw was the door to the deck
which looked open and I had a fight or flight reaction. My first
thought was that I had forgotten to close and lock the door and was
there anyone inside of my house now? My heart was pounding and I
felt real fear.
I never expected to be reacting like this and I was getting a real
opportunity to look at why I was reacting this way to my home.
I know humans do not like change but THIS is one that I had been
looking forward to for so long. In my rational mind it did not
make sense but nonetheless I was feeling fear and being unsafe.
I know I like to be in control and as doors are openings into our
inner sanctuary, I felt my safety was being threatened. Doors can
also be portals into our subconscious which is evidently where this
was coming from. I remember being told so often growing up to be
reasonable and not to react irrationally to things or events. I was
extremely “sensitive” to surroundings and other people’s feelings but
I did not realize at that time that I was an empath…a person who
feels what others are feeling. I was not aware of it for a very
long time. I know now that much of what I feel is not mine, it
belongs to the world outside of me. Was that what I was afraid of
now?…. The world outside of me that I was able to keep out with
closed doors and locks.
Being vulnerable is essential to being open to Spirit. Vulnerability
does not mean you are unsafe or unprotected, it simply means that
you are trusting in God and knowing that you are protected and
safe in this world. The opposite of fear is love and I know that
I AM loved beyond measure. The outside world gives us many
opportunities to strengthen our muscle of belief in love as it gives
us many scenarios of fear. Even my new doors were just a scenario of
fear which was only in my human mind and its ingrained habit of
perception. I was being given another chance to erase some fear that
had been buried deep within my soul. I was ready to conquer that
fear that was totally out of context. I also know that fear can
be conquered one step at a time.
Soooo….for now, I am keeping the blinds open in that door instead
of pulling them up and having them look like the door is open. I still
have butterflies in my stomach but they are coming less often and
eventually I will be able to open that full length of glass with
no reaction except joy that I can now see more of the lake and
see it more often as I am passing by.
As a side note, the day the doors were installed two white swans
came for a visit to my lake. That was so thrilling as in 16 years
I have only seen a swan once so they are rare. And…as the
contractor was replacing the sills, each threshold had a penny in it.
He said that many people do this but I have never heard of this
tradition. If you know why this was done, would you drop me an email
and let me know? I love pennies as I believe they are gifts from
angels, they even carry the words: “In God we trust”. Do you think
perchance that I was being given a message???? I do.
I want to share a pretty cool video with you today.
It talks about the 5 natural emotions that we all experience
as humans in our day-to-day life and interaction with others.
Many of us keep these emotions inside instead of embracing
and accepting them. In some cases, however, even our emotions
that seem “negative” can be used as motivation to transform your
life for the better.
You can watch the video here:
http://www.globalwellnessblog.com/2013/04/30/video-the-5-natural-emotions/
I know Mother’s Day was last week but I didn’t want to wait until
next year to send you this tribute to mothers all over the world.
http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/family-life/son-surprises-mom-with-house-on-mothers-day.html
One more…I wanted you to know about this recording. I listen
to this in my car and feel such joy continuing in my life even
when I am not listening to it. The day after, I woke up with
joy and even laughed at myself in the mirror. I found myself
singing silly ditties during the day also. Just listen to some
of it and it is free to download if you choose.
http://www.eraofpeace.org/important-information/resources/musical-rapture-mp3/
Love and Light
Mary Grace
www.IAmMaryGrace.com
www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.waleson5.com/marygrace.html
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977