Beloved,

My mother was part Indian, Native American and every winter she would tell me that the last storm of winter, usually in March, was considered the poor man’s fertilizer.  The temperatures, moisture and the type of snow affect our soil and make it more conducive for planting. I know we are fed up with snow by now but when you know the real reason Mother Nature does this is to actually help our farmers and the land. it makes the snow more bearable. 

I know that tempers are short due to the energy and also the yearning for spring and warm weather here in the Northeast makes us chomp at the bit.  We seniors have been dealing with different challenging episodes at the Senior Center here since the new director, a much younger woman who does not understand being a senior, has been making so many changes that our heads are reeling.  I belong to a Pitch league, a card game, and we meet once a week at the Senior Center.  Last week we met and instead of our long tables there were three HUGE round tables.  We have six teams and the long tables allow for 2 teams at each table.  The large round ones allow 6 teams also but it is very difficult to hide your cards in the round and the dealer had to “sail” the cards across the ever so wide tables.  These tables may be good for eating with people but not for card playing.  Also, they are so huge that it is difficult to maneuver them to make room for exercising or any other activity that goes on in this one room where everyone can meet.  The long tables take less room and 3 of them can fit in half the room even with people seated at them. We card players made do but told the director that we need smaller tables. 

Mind you, the Senior Center used to have many folding long tables where we could add more people for lunch or anything else when more people showed up.  They used to be stored in a room like a large closet off the main room.  Well, she has turned that closet into a pantry taking our storage space away so now we only have 3 large round tables that do not fold for storage and are inadequate for everyone’s needs.  This week we showed up and our league leader was told we or she would have to set up 6 smaller folding tables and carry 24 chairs so there would be seats.  Then we were expected to undo all of that after the game. 

Let me be clear that all the neighboring town Senior Centers do all the set up and take down because that is the function of the Senior Center. There are much younger volunteers who do this or the director does it.  We have been very accommodating with this youngster because she is so unaware that seniors require different things than do others her age.

All of a sudden she shows up with 2 strong men and we had to move tables, the big ones and the ones we were playing on so they could bring up a big freezer from the first floor.  Out of my mouth pops: “Gee, thank you for all the help you got to take these tables and chairs down.”  Now, I know it sounded sarcastic and it probably was meant to be.  The biggest surprise I had was that I had no forewarning that those words were going to pop out of my mouth. As she passed me she said: “You got the tables didn’t you?”

Suddenly, I was so angry and I don’t usually get that angry.  I felt like I had a volcano in my gut and it was ready to explode. One good thing about getting older is that you let more go under the table without reacting. I was shaking I was so mad.  The pit of my stomach was as big and hard as a cannon ball.  All of us seniors were angry but I seemed to be the one that it hit the most. I came home and called my selectmen and he was gracious enough to come to my home and talk to me.  I then wrote a letter and asked the seniors to look at it, add something if they wanted and I will present it to the selectmen at the next meeting. 

I hope this is not boring you but I needed to set the background for what I finally discovered about myself during all of this.  I am quite familiar when my guidance takes over and tells people what they need to hear. My Spirit takes over which I allow because my human self would not know what is needed at that moment.  But this force of anger I was unprepared for and as I relive the event, I now realize that my Spirit took over in a way that I had been resisting my whole  life.  I do not like being combative and I much prefer to see the good in everyone.  As we all know, there is a Divine Purpose and Divine Plan afoot here on this planet.

Evidently I am part of a Divine Plan to make some changes that would benefit all the seniors as well as bringing up my fear of being assertive for me to look at and love.  I still do not like being at odds with others, I prefer talking and coming to a compromise.  I would not make a good Politician; I do not like the feeling in my soul, in my heart or in my gut. But, like it or not, I am at the forefront here and everyone likes my letter and are willing to sign it to make our Selectmen aware of what is happening at our Center.   Whew, I can’t wait until this is over so I can return to my normal state.  I couldn’t even say my morning prayers yesterday as my mind would not stop and I could not sink into my meditation or prayers.  Boy, am I experiencing a lot of new feelings and awareness that I had not felt before.

This video from Panache Desai seems so appropriate for what I just shared.  I keep playing it until my mind stops all of this discord and I can relax into a peaceful heart.

https://www.panachedesai.com/blog/how-to-dynamically-express-yourself-in-the-world

I am sharing these videos so if you ever find yourself in the situation I am in, it will help calm you and bring you back to yourself, your new self. Here is new video from Lee Harris.

http://www.leeharrisenergy.com/lheblog/embodychange

This youth took the time to listen to this homeless man and is an inspiration to his peers.  Check it out here.

What an unlikely pair.  God takes care of ALL of his creatures including us.

It is too late to join this march but I thought you might like to know what is happening now to these warriors.

http://nativenationsrise.org/