Beloved,
Looking out after a snow storm brings so many inspirations to me. I realized that this morning after this storm dropped over a foot of snow two days ago and now the plows are done and the streets are passable. AS I look out I saw the defined pathways of streets and driveways. I never noticed that before. Without the snow, we humans only notice that everything seems to blend in so we pay attention to what is in our minds. As I looked, I realized that storms, either physical or emotional, leaves a blanket effect on most everything. This morning I could only see the patterns of pathways (openings) because everything else was covered in snow and the walls of snow themselves obliterated all the other surrounding points of interest.
Is this what happens in our life? Do the storms bring clarity of which road to take? The pathways were so clearly defined that there were no distractions. I pray that all the storms in my life be preceded by the peace and comfort of knowing I am safe. I am inside a warm house with plenty of food being given the opportunity to rest while the storm rages outside. Yes, after the storm comes the clean up but it does not take long and we have an entirely point of view or perspective of what our world looked like before it was blanketed.
Just when I think I have peace, something else pops up that I thought I had dealt with and had achieved peace with. My first marriage ended because of my daughter being violated by her father. That was hell to go through and it took me a whole year to find the peace I was looking for I HATED him with my whole being. Hate is such a strong word and people use it all too lightly. You can’t hate until you have loved. The hate is as intense as the love was. I now understand the emotion of hate that had consumed me. It touched all who were in my life and I craved for release from it. It just wouldn’t go away as there were reminders everywhere I turned.
I went on a retreat being held in the evenings at my church and on the 6th night, I was blown away. The priest was a very diminutive figure, very short and of small build. All of a sudden, he began to glow and he grew in size. I was flabberghasted and I looked around the other people to see if they were seeing what I was seeing. They were not. I shook my head, kept changing positions but nothing stopped what I was seeing. All of a sudden, I began to cry, what Oprah calls the ugly cry. No one paid attention because at a retreat there is a lot of release which comes with tears. I felt the hate leave me and the love that I yearned for came back into my being. I could finally FEEL love which I had missed for that whole year as the hate consumed me. It changed my whole life and I was able to handle all the necessary affairs and get on with my life.
A few days ago, a woman who I know who is a medium, had a vision of my husband around me. I did not want him anywhere near me. She said: “But who is going to protect you?” I said: “Yeshua, Mother Mary, ARchangel Michael, ARchange Raphael, St Germaine of the Violet Flame and many others!” I did not like the feeling that was left with me. I still felt the violation of what he had done to me and my daughter and the memories sprang back up. I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN RID OF THAT. I could not free myself of the feelings of betrayal and guilt of not knowing the best way to handle things in that crisis. I would do things differently today.
Yesterday I was told that I had a Level 3 Sex Offender on my street. WHAT? That is an offender of children so the emotions came back full force. I talked to a couple of people who confirmed what I had just discovered. There are only three year round houses on my street so I called the one who was not housing the offender because she has two teenage daughters and I wanted to protect them by making her aware of it. She already knew about it so I did not go any further. Each adult or parent has to make the decisions for their family, my only concern was for the children and I just wanted to make them aware. Now comes the real work of letting the past go and with LOVE which I am having a hard time doing. I have forgiven my exhusband but love him, I don’t think so. I don’t even LIKE him. Darn it, I thought this part of my life was behind me.
I wish to love every soul as I know that every soul comes from God and is a part of God. We are all ONE so that means he is a part of me also. Can you see my mind and heart racing around? If this has come back, it means I have not completely cleared it from myself. I will play with all of this until I can come to grips with it and let my mind and heart be at peace.
What do I get in the mail today but this poem from Louise Hay? I am sharing it with you.
To “let go” does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow
learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another,
it is to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead
to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and love more.
I am healed and whole.
I would also like to share a very inspiring Russian in a Moscow trolley singing “Amazing Grace” in a surprise mob scene(I don’t know the correct wording) for the passengers. It really does lift your spirits and make you smile.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/s_IHDJQudmo?rel=0 —-–
I had some wonderful things happen to me this week also. This beautiful young man, a single father, took my computer and redid the whole thing. Quite a feat. He had some surprises for me too. He put the picture of a beautiful angel, white with a purple background, right where I need to put my password. When I saw it, I could feel the energy coming from it, I did not even want to put in my password because then she would go away. When I finally did, I was greeted with some of his original creations of art. They are all beautiful and very hard to describe but I will try. One is of course, purple with rays of light and what looks like a shower of stars or a meteor shower.. One which I call Christ Consciousness is purple ray background and in the center is what reminds me of a Monstrance, the beautiful golden carrier of the Blessed Sacrament in the Catholic Church. All of the spikes of gold with sparkling and golden rays shooting right into my heart. I have a hard time opening my computer because all I want to do is be enveloped by the energy coming from that beautiful painting.
Isn’t it wonderful that we have BOTH the challenging and the inspiring opportunities in our daily life. Sometimes it is difficult but the only way through is to be aware and accept them both as they are both liberating and heart warming. Enjoy whatever comes your way even if you sometimes have to step back into something you really did not expect.
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Love and Light
Mary Grace