Going strong and ending up strong.
We are always learning and becoming aware but
this week for me has been unusally so.
Two months ago, I received a call from my
doctor with the results of a biopsy that was
taken from the skin on my nose. It was so
little and really not offensive that I “assumed”
(you know what assume means) that all
would be fine.
When he said it was cancer, I continued to hear
him but nothing else penetrated. He said it was
Basal Cell Carcinoma and was the least invasive
of skin cancer and the easiest to treat.
He said he would schedule me for a Moehs
procedure and I would hear from the surgeon.
It seems that we now have a local surgeon instead of
having to drive 4 hours away for the surgery.
My very first thought when he said the dreaded word
CANCER was: “Oh, my God, I am going to end up
with half my nose gone like Michael Jackson.” That
was the image that seared itself into my brain.
One of my traits is to hide my head in the sand like an
ostrich when I am faced with something I do not want
to look at. Since I know this about myself, I talked
to my youngest son and my best friend about it so I
would not keep it a secret.
I sincerely believed that the biopsy was in error and that
that fact would be discovered when I had my consultation
with the surgeon. It took 2 months to get an appointment.
How we fool ourselves into believing what we wish to believe.
Four days before the appointment, the surgeons office called
to ask if I was prepared, did I have a driver, etc? I was in
shock because I thought it was to be a consultation first and
the surgery would be later. I was not prepared to face
surgery.
All of a sudden, the reality and the fear hit me. I had done it
again, I had blocked reality from my awareness. How many times
do we sincerely believe that we have addressed an issue only to
find out later that it had gone underground?
Although I would not have anesthesia, I would be given Novocaine
to freeze the area. I would need bandages which “could” block
my vision. Any of you who wear glasses know that in order to
see properly, the glasses have to be sitting on your nose and in
proper balance, thus the reason for needing a driver.
Since I had not addressed it in a timely manner, I scrambled to
find someone who could pick me up and bring me home. I live
in the boondocks so the closest family or friend is about 45 minutes
away .
My oldest son’s daughter (hurrah, I have a new granddaughter named
Victoria Renee) was born that week, a month early. He had to take
time off from work for that so he could not take any more time off.
He said if I could get there that he would pick me up after work.
My youngest son had two very important tests to take at college
that day so he was unavailable too. I asked the Senior Center
if they have a way to give rides to seniors but we are too small
of a community to have that benefit.
When by best friend Shari, found out, she insisted she would not
only bring me back and forth, but would stay with me for the
entire time. “What are best friends for?” she quipped.
The Moehs procedure is one where they take a portion of
the area, freeze it and then test it for cancer cells. There
is no way for the doctor to know if they removed it all
except by this procedure.
They suggest you plan on being there at least 5 hours. So
they took one biopsy and then I was back in the waiting room
waiting for the results. An hour later, I was called back in
and was told that they needed to go deeper and wider.
A second surgery was done and more novocaine and this
also showed that more needed to be exorcised. Finally,
after the third surgery, I was declared CANCER FREE.
My whole body seemed to let go, to finally release all the
the tension I had held in my body it seemed like forever.
Since I had 3 surgeries they needed to do a “flap” which is
pulling the skin up from your face to cover the wound.
Much like a mini face lift on one side of your face.
I asked if my face would be smooth and wrinkle free
on one side and look lopsided? I was told that gravity
would pull it back down.
Much more novocaine was given as a wider area would
be worked on. I have stitches from the inside corner of
my eye to right around the bottom curve of my nose, much
like an S pattern.
Covering this long area with bandages and still allowing me
to see is quite a feat. It is much like a puzzle with pieces
that overlap and so I ended up with a bulbous look because
a pressure bandage is needed for the first 48 hours.
Although I was prepared for stitches, I was not prepared
for the extent or what it would look like. When I first
removed the bandage, it was a shock to me. Any
surgical procedure does not look very good especially
when it is freshly done.
When people would ask me how I was doing, I would
say with great pleasure: “I STILL HAVE MY NOSE!”
Until I said this a couple times, I did not fully realize how
fearful I had been that I would lose part of my nose.
It was this reply that made me so aware of the fear that
I had inside me. Boy, do we cover up our fear well!!!
I have a great appreciation for the surgeon’s assistants who
need to be puzzle makers in covering all types of surgeries on
the face. My first attempt at putting bandages on was not the
greatest. I even called the surgeon’s office to ask if I could
just cover the stitch closest to my eye with vaseline but leave
it uncovered. No was the reply so back to the drawing board.
A nice surprise was to learn that I only needed to keep Vaseline
on the sutures and not a medicated cream. I cannot tell you how
often I got Vaseline in my eye. Yesterday, my car was so warm
that it started to melt the vaseline and what a tickling sensation
as it ran down from the top to the bottom. Itching is the worst
as you cannot scratch, all you can do is kind of put pressure
on the spot but very lightly.
Hardest of all was the order to not bend over or bend my head
in any manner for 2-3 weeks so there is no pressure there.
Do you know how many times you bend over without even
thinking about it? Try going into your refrigerator to the
drawers that hold your vegetables and fruit, or getting your
pots and pans that are on the bottom shelf of your cupboard.
Do not drop anything that is not big because you can’t find it
unless you bend your head down to look. I dropped a bottle
of water and it broke, there was no way I could pick up the
pieces without getting cut.
I have a much deeper appreciation for the way my body
works when I am not even aware of it. I take it for
granted. For 2-3 weeks I am not allowed to do any exercise,
lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, go kayaking, get excited
or upset as that raises the blood pressure.
There is so much I do not know about the healing process
that works in my own body but I will heed the advice of
those who know.
There is a video that inspires me time and time again that
I would love to share with you. It is inspiring so it gives me
courage but it is also done with such humor that I giggle.
Let it inspire you and make you giggle. Let me know
if you giggle by going to my blog or by sending me
an email.
http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html
Love and Light
Mary Grace
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
[email protected]
3 Brows Beach Dr
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977
