I feel left out – left out from the doings and celebrations
of my family and friends. I am restricted by Multiple
Chemical Sensitivity.
I don’t know if any of you suffer from this but it is
so subtle and insidious. If it caused physical pain
when I was exposed to chemicals in smoke,
perfume, exhaust, or any of the multiple ways
that it hides in many seemingly innocent things, it
would be so much easier to avoid.
When exposed, my body goes into shock and shuts
down. I run a fever, suffer depression, tears start flowing,
I suffer exhaustion and my brain goes haywire and won’t
focus or behave in a rational manner. There is no cure,
no pill I can take to offset the symptoms, there is only
avoidance. The worst effects last three days and then
dwindle away.
I have sometimes had to move at Mass four times to
get away from the fragances that are worn by people.
I have learned to sit in the front pew, that way I have more
fresh air around me.
It is not the fragrance itself but the chemicals that are
in it. Going to any crowded place like movies, dances,
gatherings, airplanes, and even other people’s homes is
kin to entering a mine field. I just never know what to
expect and who to avoid. I need to be on my most
alert self to detect any odors that might give these
chemicals away.
There was to be a baby shower for my newest
granddaughter but it turned into a Welcome Baby
gathering because she decided to make an appearance
a month early. I am not able to attend because my son
and daughter-in-law do not want to ask their guests to
be fragrant free. It is a simple thing to not spray yourself
with perfume or after shave but it is a deeply personal
thing which people seem to think defines who they are.
I understand but am still feeling left out because I cannot
attend such a celebration. I gifted the party with a diaper
cake – lavendar of course, for those who know me, and I
knit a baby afghan for Baby Victoria which is also in lavendar.
I can contribute in that way but still feel left out.
Do you remember when my daughter’s husband died and she
requested that I not attend the funeral because she did not
wish to speak to me? I was in quite a quandary about sending
her a card and you all gave me such encouraging words to do so,
which I did.
Well her daughter, my granddaughter, is graduating from college
this Sunday and has invited me to her commencement and to the
party afterwards. She had been upset that I was not allowed to
be with the rest of the family at the memorial service so she is
taking it into her own hands to make sure I am not left out
this time. For this I am so grateful.
The weather is promising not to cooperate and my granddaughter’s
apartment is way too small to allow her guests to be inside out of the
rain. Guess what is happening? My daughter is offering her condo
for the party knowing full well that I am invited and will be attending.
God works in mysterious ways. I do not know what will transpire
but am trusting in Spirit that all is in Divine Order.
There is only one hitch, the condo is small for all those people
and still have fresh air so the chemicals are not overpowering me.
It is too late to ask them to be fragrant free so I will be
winging it. I am not sure I will be able to attend the indoor
party but I am showing up. I am being given an opportunity
to at least see my daughter hopefully and I do not want to pass it up.
We always have choices, no matter what life brings to us. I
choose not to be ill and lose a week out of my life being sick
and not being able to function very well. This has been the
quandary that I have lived with for the last 35 years and
sometimes I throw all caution to the wind because I want
so badly to be part of the celebrations.
Part of me struggles because I know we create what we
focus on and I do not wish to create this sensitivity. Yet
when the effects show up, I need to apologize to my body
for subjecting it to such harsh treatment. It has been a tug
of war between my mind and my heart for ever so long.
If you have any family or friends that appear to be evasive
or never want to participate in gatherings, perhaps you will
give them the benefit of the doubt. They may get reactions,
not be diagnosed and have no idea why they hate parties
or gettogethers. It took me many years to discover what
was happening and I paid for an expensive test that the
insurance would not pay for in order to find out just what
was going on with my body.
I will keep you posted on the results of the opportunity
that God is giving me and my daughter. The following is
a prayer of encouragement to all who need to make a
choice.
Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day, I thank You for my
being able to see and to hear this morning. I’m blessed
because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me
to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every
day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
And give the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak…
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don’t know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others.
I pray for those that don’t believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and
God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every
family member in their households.
I pray for peace , love and joy in their homes that they
are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no
problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
Love and Light,
Mary Grace
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
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