Tag Archives: Family

SNAFU AT FAMILY CELEBRATION

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I was not invited to join in sitting with my granddaughter’s
partner, my great grandson nor my daughter in the seating
for the commencement of my granddaughter’s graduation
from college.
 
With 602 graduates and all their family and friends, I knew
I would not be able to locate them so I just found a place
right behind the graduates’ seating so I could see her when
she received her diploma and was walking back to her seat.
 
One good thing about being alone is that you can always find
a seat up front because there is always one space that has not
been filled because most are looking for two or more spaces. 
 
The celebration was not for another four hours.  I spent that
time shopping as they needed to rest after all the activities
that were held all weekend for the graduates.
 
I was a little uncomfortable at the beginning not knowing
what to expect but everyone was friendly
and my youngest son was there and that helped. My
daughter was helping inside the house and as they had
two cats, I was unable to enter to greet the others.
 
A circle of chairs had been set up around the fire pit
so I headed there.  I spoke to people around there and
mingled in other gatherings around the yard.  I did not know
what to expect from my daughter or how I would react.
 
I had nothing to worry about because not once in the
three hours I was there would she meet my gaze.  I only
wanted to smile at her so she would know there was no
animosity but she did not give me the opportunity.
 
She had set up the boundaries of not wanting any
communication with me so I did not feel right
in crossing those lines and perhaps creating a scene
at my granddaughter’s college graduation party.
 
I am proud of my granddaughter for having the
courage to go against her mother’s wishes of not
having me there.  My hope is that the other
people there were not aware of the drama or
should I say non-drama that was unfolding.
 
I came home feeling quite empty and alone. 
The next day, I stayed in bed most of the day.
I did not want to face life nor did I have the
necessary energy to force myself to get up and do
something about it.
 
I received a call from a friend asking if she could
come over and I said sure.  I had a sense that perhaps
she could use some healing or encouragement.  She has
had some traumatic health issues and is caring for her
parents who are in their late 80’s.
 
To my surprise, and I mean surprise, she came bearing
a gift for me.  She was not here to receive but to give,
of her love and time and prayers.
 
I was flabberghasted, pleased and reduced to tears that
I was trying to hold back.  She had made a Prayer Shawl
for me and it was lavendar.  I put it around me and felt
all the prayers and love of the many people who pray
as they knit these prayer shawls.
 
How could I feel sorry for myself with such evidence that
I was loved and cared for.  I usually am the one who prays
for others and am asked to intercede for many people
going through their challenges.
 
I  had not even thought to ask for prayers for myself but she,
Katie Plouffe, had read my previous newsletters and knew
I was having a hard time emotionally. She decided to knit
me a prayer shawl for which I  am eternally grateful.
 
I have an altar, a meditation chair and a prayer space
which is so perfect for this symbol of Love.  I have been
using it every day and sometimes more whenever I start
to think about my perceived loss. 
 
We are all ONE so noone can be lost or separate.  For a while,
some of us walk a different path but they are not lost and we
are still together in Spirit even if they are not aware of it.
 
I know in my heart that someday I will be reunited with my
beloved daughter.  If not in the physical, then in the hereafter.
WE  are all one ocean which is comprised of many drops and
all drops eventually are reunited as one ocean which is God. 
 
Love and Light,
 
Mary Grace
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog  
 
   
 
 
 

3 Brows Beach Dr
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977

I FEEL LEFT OUT

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I feel left out – left out from the doings and celebrations
of my family and friends. I am restricted by Multiple
Chemical Sensitivity.

I don’t know if any of you suffer from this but it is
so subtle and insidious. If it caused physical pain
when I was exposed to chemicals in smoke,
perfume, exhaust, or any of the multiple ways
that it hides in many seemingly innocent things, it
would be so much easier to avoid.

When exposed, my body goes into shock and shuts
down. I run a fever, suffer depression, tears start flowing,
I suffer exhaustion and my brain goes haywire and won’t
focus or behave in a rational manner. There is no cure,
no pill I can take to offset the symptoms, there is only
avoidance. The worst effects last three days and then
dwindle away.

I have sometimes had to move at Mass four times to
get away from the fragances that are worn by people.
I have learned to sit in the front pew, that way I have more
fresh air around me.

It is not the fragrance itself but the chemicals that are
in it. Going to any crowded place like movies, dances,
gatherings, airplanes, and even other people’s homes is
kin to entering a mine field. I just never know what to
expect and who to avoid. I need to be on my most
alert self to detect any odors that might give these
chemicals away.

There was to be a baby shower for my newest
granddaughter but it turned into a Welcome Baby
gathering because she decided to make an appearance
a month early. I am not able to attend because my son
and daughter-in-law do not want to ask their guests to
be fragrant free. It is a simple thing to not spray yourself
with perfume or after shave but it is a deeply personal
thing which people seem to think defines who they are.

I understand but am still feeling left out because I cannot
attend such a celebration. I gifted the party with a diaper
cake – lavendar of course, for those who know me, and I
knit a baby afghan for Baby Victoria which is also in lavendar.
I can contribute in that way but still feel left out.

Do you remember when my daughter’s husband died and she
requested that I not attend the funeral because she did not
wish to speak to me? I was in quite a quandary about sending
her a card and you all gave me such encouraging words to do so,
which I did.

Well her daughter, my granddaughter, is graduating from college
this Sunday and has invited me to her commencement and to the
party afterwards. She had been upset that I was not allowed to
be with the rest of the family at the memorial service so she is
taking it into her own hands to make sure I am not left out
this time. For this I am so grateful.

The weather is promising not to cooperate and my granddaughter’s
apartment is way too small to allow her guests to be inside out of the
rain. Guess what is happening? My daughter is offering her condo
for the party knowing full well that I am invited and will be attending.
God works in mysterious ways. I do not know what will transpire
but am trusting in Spirit that all is in Divine Order.

There is only one hitch, the condo is small for all those people
and still have fresh air so the chemicals are not overpowering me.
It is too late to ask them to be fragrant free so I will be
winging it. I am not sure I will be able to attend the indoor
party but I am showing up. I am being given an opportunity
to at least see my daughter hopefully and I do not want to pass it up.

We always have choices, no matter what life brings to us. I
choose not to be ill and lose a week out of my life being sick
and not being able to function very well. This has been the
quandary that I have lived with for the last 35 years and
sometimes I throw all caution to the wind because I want
so badly to be part of the celebrations.

Part of me struggles because I know we create what we
focus on and I do not wish to create this sensitivity. Yet
when the effects show up, I need to apologize to my body
for subjecting it to such harsh treatment. It has been a tug
of war between my mind and my heart for ever so long.

If you have any family or friends that appear to be evasive
or never want to participate in gatherings, perhaps you will
give them the benefit of the doubt. They may get reactions,
not be diagnosed and have no idea why they hate parties
or gettogethers. It took me many years to discover what
was happening and I paid for an expensive test that the
insurance would not pay for in order to find out just what
was going on with my body.

I will keep you posted on the results of the opportunity
that God is giving me and my daughter. The following is
a prayer of encouragement to all who need to make a
choice.

Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day, I thank You for my
being able to see and to hear this morning. I’m blessed
because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me
to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every
day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.

And give the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.

Keep me strong that I may help the weak…
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don’t know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others.
I pray for those that don’t believe.

But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and
God changes things.

I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every
family member in their households.

I pray for peace , love and joy in their homes that they
are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no
problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.

Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.

Love and Light,

Mary Grace
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
[email protected]

3 Brows Beach Dr
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977

A MOTHER’S SORROW/LOVE

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*A Mother’s Sorrow/Love* is something I can no longer hide from
even myself. I have pretended and thought I had released the
sorrow of being asked not to contact my daughter again.

It became known to me this past week that my son-in-law, my
only daughter’s husband was quite ill, in fact on his death bed.
My mother’s heart went out to my daughter, my little girl. I
have known the loss of a loved one but the hardest one to bear
was the loss of my daughter even though she is still living on this
earth.

A Mother’s Love wants only to comfort and ease the pain of her
loved ones. That was the first emotion I felt when I heard the news.
Then I realized that there was no way I could comfort her. My
love tried to go underground so it would not hurt so much.

It did not work. I was still in mourning over the loss of my
daughter and there was no way I could ease that within myself.

I had a choice to make. I could call her or go to the Memorial
Service but I realized that those choices would only add to her
pain. I had been asked not to make contact with her and I had
respected her wishes throughout her life, how could I go against
what she so obviously wanted?

As a mother, I have always put my children’s wishes before my
own. How could I go against what would bring her the most
comfort? Which was not to have me there as a reminder of
other pain she has endured.

I could not!

My boys, her brothers, would be there and so I had some
small comfort in that fact. We would not be a family as
someone, me, would be missing from the equation. Yet,
at least there would part of her family with her.

Since I believe my life’s mission was to be a mother, I never
expected to be thrown away by one of my own children.
I love them all with as much humanly love as is possible even
though they are all grown and living their own lives.

The Divine Feminine is so embodied in me that Her motherly
love shines through me to all I meet. My daughter and her
husband are Atheists. In her mind, I represent God and she
is so angry with Him that she is angry at anyone who
she perceives as representing Him/Her.

I must confess that I did overstep the boundaries she set by
sending her a card that was very simple and did not have any
Spiritual overtones whatsoever. It just mentioned Memories
and to remember them. I signed it simply as “Mom”.

Do you think I overstepped her boundaries? I would love to
hear any comments you might have.

Love and Light,

Mary Grace
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com
http://www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
[email protected]
http://www.twitter.com/iammarygrace

3 Brows Beach Dr
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977