Beloved,

This past week has been like a Comedy of Errors.  Monday morning I got up early for me at 7am and at 7:15 I got a call that the house insulators would be here shortly to do the insulation of my whole house.  I was so excited so I hurried to get ready and since I had just had 4 days of rest during Fr. Richard Rohr’s retreat of The Universal Christ that streamed through my computer during the actual retreat going on in New Mexico, I felt great. I made my yogurt, did dishes and took a shower so I could wash my hair.  My back started to ache which is a sure sign that I have stood too long so I slowed down but because the men were here, I could not rest much.  After they left, I realized that the ache in my back had been replaced by a deep ache in my buttocks.  It continued to intensify and I could no longer stand straight up so I attributed it to a tight muscle because I had overworked it. It felt similar to the pain you get when you do exercise for the first time.

I did not get much sleep because of the pain and by the next morning, I could not stand up straight so I had to walk quite hunched over.  Our senior center offers massage once a month and I am on a list for a specific time slot every month.  I was hoping she could find the right spot to press that would release that muscle so I called my son Steve and asked if he could bring me to the Senior Center to get the 15 minute massage.  He did, so I hobbled in and sat down to wait my turn and after 10 minutes, someone came out of the office to ask if I waiting for the massage.  I said yes and she told me that the masseuse had left because there were no more names on the list.  It seems my name had not been carried over on the list from the prior month so they did have me down.

Well, that took care of my only hope so I asked to borrow a wheeled walker so I could bend down, put my arms on its handles and have support while I tried to walk. I have never used one of these before but it was a godsend to me. My mind then tried to figure out what to do and what had caused this.  I know I had the stem cell two weeks prior but I did not think that it caused whatever was happening, I did not have a clue as I had never experienced this before. I called Dr. Tortland who did my stem cell procedure and he authorized me to go for physical therapy. I could not even straighten enough to be tall enough to get food or dishes out of my cabinet. I had about 2 hours sleep that night so the next morning I called Vantage, a fantastic physical therapy place in Palmer, Ma.  I begged them to fit me in as I was really in such deep pain.  They did just that, thank God, and I was evaluated by the head person.  Since I could not lay down straight or even stand straight it was so difficult for her and the pain was so excruciating that screams came out of me totally on their own.  I had no control of them as it was excruciating to move at all. She did some therapy and suggested that I have X-rays done to make sure I did not have any compression fractures. taped me to ease it a little and I made appointments for each of the next two days.

I went to get another session of physical therapy after a sleepless night and this therapist also suggested that I be X-rayed as they did not want to cause any more damage just in case.  I called my PC and the nurse I spoke to would not give me authorization to get Xrays at a nearby hospital as insurance demands that I see my pc before anything could be authorized.  They were ¾ of an hour away so I asked if someone could meet me at my car with a wheel chair as I could not walk the distance even with the walker that I would need to within the facility to first see my primary care and then get my X-rays taken. She said that was not possible no matter what I said so I called my son Steve and he cancelled all of his appointments to take me and wheel me around.

By the time I got to see the nurse and then the doctor, I was so angry and frustrated at such terrible service that my blood pressure had skyrocketed and my pulse was high.  I certainly was not an example of being connected to source.

I then went to the X-ray department and my son stayed in the waiting room as the nurse wheeled me into the room.  She said I would have to lie down on the table and I told her I could not lay straight without that excruciating pain and even on my side it hurt so much.  I had expected to be standing but she said the only way they could X-ray for my lower back, hip, and spine was for me to lie down. I have never ever done this before but as I had to lie straight, I screamed through 5 of the 7 X-Rays. I have never ever screamed like that before. The technician tried her best to hurry through this ordeal and I know it bothered her as she heard me scream.   As I came out of the room, a man, not a patient, was looking at me across the room with such sympathy in his eyes.  I apologized for the screams but I could not stop them and he said it was OK and was sorry I had to go through that.

I told the technician that I would be waiting upstairs for the results so I could bring the news to my physical therapy so they could know how to treat me. When I got upstairs I told those nurses that I would be waiting for the results and I had already told my doctor that I would be waiting.  Steve and I waited two hours while asking intermittently if the results were back.  Finally, we found out that I could get a copy on a disc of the X-rays and they would fax the results to my physical therapist as I had another appointment at 4pm that day. A Comedy of Errors insisted on being played all that day. Communication between all the people taking care of you just seems to get off the track.  If I had a fracture then the physical therapists could not help me and I would need to cancel the appointment.

I finally got home and I went on my computer and got the results right then and it said it had been read at noon.  I got the good news that there were no fractures but that news was outweighed by the pain I was still in and the inadequacy of my medical team.  Why or why was I not told then? My therapists were receiving the faxed info when I actually physically got there for my appointment. My patience had been tested right to its limits.

Good news, I am feeling better, can walkup a little straighter, the pain has lessened due to the physical therapists and the taping they did on me but I am still limited a great deal to standing or doing anything physical.  I got a great night’s sleep as I was able to actually lie on both sides of my body, but not lay out straight yet. It seems the large Piriformis muscle was so swollen that it affected my sciatic nerve.  So I had both things in spasm.  I have deep compassion for other humans who go through this agony which I was not really aware of before(and I hope never again).

I believe that this is the very first time in 11 years since the inception of my newsletters that I have not sent one out to you on Friday.  My apologies for that.

After such heavy thoughts, I want to share with you a song that was given to us on the retreat.  Enjoy

Just watching video comforted me in my present status.  It warms the heart and gives you faith in humanity.

I so admire that woman. Both for being willing and courageous enough to go to the game with her condition and for being gracious enough to accept the helping arms. Do you think because I feel so frail and helpless right now that these are touching me a little more deeply?  YUP!

Never Ever Give Up Hope.  This child had no preconception of her condition and look at what she did.

Such good news I never thought I would hear.  Kudos.

Love and Light

Mary Grace
https://thewoundedchalice.com