I have been experiencing a different reality. Let me
explain. You know I have had cataract surgery,
one eye at a time. My first eye surgery was quite
an experience, in many ways it was easier than I
had expected. I trust my surgeon, Dr. Berger of
Baystate Eye Care yet I was apprehensive about
the anesthesia necessary as well as all the drops,
again chemicals, that were needed also.

I have MCS, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, and my
body reacts to most chemicals by shutting down. First
the brain goes into survival mode and I start to run a
fever, then I get so cold and exhausted and then the
depression starts and that causes the tears to flow. My
thinking changes from positive to negative and all the
fears come rushing in. Not a pleasant experience and it
lasts about three days. I do my best to avoid all
chemicals but it is impossible to eliminate them
completely all the time even when I do not expose
myself to other people or their homes.

Fragrance no matter the scent contains about 1500
chemicals and where can I go where there is not a
fragrance? People wear perfume and even the hair
products as well as detergent, clothes softeners,
lotions, sunscreen. Most people have it on them and
if I hug them I need to hold my breath but still some of
it gets transferred to my clothing. How many people
have air fresheners in their cars or homes or scented
candles?

Formaldehyde is my biggest offender which is in
cigarettes, paints, bug sprays, especially in new cars
so renting a vehicle is difficult. I can never buy a new
car , new house or most anything new as so many
preservatives are in everything. Even food has preservatives
in them, like ham, bacon, sausage , etc. Just think of the
money I save.

You can see why I am very persistent about explaining
to the doctors what they must look out for. I had sent
the surgeon all the info on what I needed to avoid and
he forwarded them to the anesthesiologist who them
spoke to me for a half hour on the phone before the first
surgery. He laughed and asked if I was a librarian as I
had forwarded about 20 pages of information. He said
it was the first time he had ever received such a detailed
packet. Guess what? When I got to the surgery center, it
was a completely different doctor, I guess they take turns.
Good news, this new anesthesiologist took the time to talk
to me and made sure I did not get the same anesthesia I
was given two years prior for a different procedure which
made me so sick even though I had given them the same info.

I am a person who likes to be prepared for everything, it makes
me feel safe. I even took out the lens in my glasses the morning I
had the first surgery that was over the eye being done as I would
not need my prescription for that eye. I was unprepared for the
battle that would ensure in my brain. I am not sure if it was my
eyes fighting as one needed the lens to see and the other did not
but I was soooo loopy. My depth perception was off and my
brain just could not adjust to me wearing the lens that I needed
for the eye that had not been done yet. So I went without
glasses for three weeks and if I needed to see close, I would use
the eye that could see close and vice versa. Together the eyes
worked OK for walking, driving or most activities but not as
clear as I hoped my vision would be when the other one was fixed.

My reality had not changed that much as I could still read everything
I needed to see. But…..when the cataract in the second eye was
removed I was thrown for a loop. I was prepared or so I thought
to need readers for close up but I was so hoping not to need
glasses at all. I had paid $1500 to have the lens implanted that
would correct my astigmatism which is something that my insurances
do not pay for. The insurances, Medicare and Blue Cross/Blue
Shield pay for the cataract removal and a regular lens to be implanted
that would enable me to see but I would still need glasses to correct
my astigmatism. This was the only chance I would have in this lifetime
to be able to see clearly without glasses . It was only a possibility
yet I wanted the chance to know what it feels like not to depend on
glasses after 67 years of utter dependence. I went shopping and with the
eye that had been done, I tried the different strength readers to “see”
what strength I might need and I bought one pair just in case.

This past Monday I had cataract surgery on my right eye. I felt
confident as I had already been through it once but nothing
prepared me for what was to come. I was so happy that I had
the same anesthesiologist and he remembered me, the purple lady.
It was later in the day that I realized that I did not remember being
wheeled in the operating room, nor them strapping my head nor
seeing my surgeon. I do remember that instead of me seeing
nothing but blackness, this time I was seeing colors and swirls
like looking at a kaleidoscope, it was fascinating. The following
day my son Steve, took me to the doctors to remove the cup
over my eye and the doctor teased me by saying the only problem
they had in surgery was they could not stop me from talking .Even
then I was not thinking straight but later realized that I must have
been given a stronger dose of anesthesia to combat the sensation
of needing to keep swallowing that I had experienced with the
first surgery. I had been afraid to swallow because it would
move my head and I did not want to do that with someone
cutting my eye. The surgery only lasted 20 minutes but it had
felt like much longer. I had no problem with the second
surgery and I do not remember swallowing even once.

With the patch cup over my eye, I had only the one eye
and I could not read and although disappointed, I knew
I had the readers and was prepared to accept the change.
My son Steve, did a few things for me and then left. I
was trying to read a phone number I was given but I could
not read it so I looked for my readers. Where were they?
I could not find them and I knew I had left them on the
kitchen counter. I looked all over the house and realized
that Steve must have taken them thinking they were his.

I panicked. I mean I went into a strong panic attack which
I have never had before. I could NOT SEE. How was I
going to see anything without the readers, I could not drive
to go get another pair. I had Steve’s home phone number in
my memory but had not memorized his cell phone number.
I went and got my address book but could not read the
names or numbers in there. PANIC. My mind was
running around, trying to find a way out of this trapped
situation I found myself in. I COULD NOT CONTACT
ANYONE BECAUSE I COULD NOT READ THEIR
INFORMATION IN MY ADDRESS BOOK.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I thought of
calling his home and thankfully his wife was home. I even
had a problem seeing the numbers on the phone to dial. I
asked for Steve’s cell phone number which confused her
but I told her I would write the numbers large enough
for me to read. Honestly, I am not sure just what I
told her and I was not rational. When you get a shock
like this, it is hard to get your mind to work.

I called Steve who was just about at the turnpike’s
entrance and he said he would bring them to me. It
seems when I put the bag of cherries in his car, I had
put them on top of his readers. He would have
realized he had my glasses if I had not covered
up his but since they look the same, he assumed
they were his. I felt so bad after all the driving
he had done to come get me, bring me to surgery,
then bring me back and the 45 minute drive home.
My mind was trying to say I did not need them but
my panic only knew I could not see anything up close.
I felt blind and it was a totally new sensation for me.
I felt helpless and vulnerable and so alone, there
was no one here who could do anything to help me.

For 67 years I have been able to see anything I needed
to see without my glasses except for driving or in the
distance. Suddenly my whole world turned upside
down. The reality I knew for those many years
was completely reversed and I was left floundering
in the unknown. I did not know how to survive in
this new reality. The habits that had protected me
and allowed me to function were no longer useful.
In the blink of an eye, I needed to completely reverse
what I had done for so many years without even
being conscious or aware of what I was doing. Has
this ever happened to you?

Until this happened, I was not aware that you use
your eyes every single moment you are awake. I “knew”
but was not consciously aware. How many seconds is
that in just one day? Imagine that every second you are
seeing differently and where you used to bring things up
close to see, now you have to consciously think to do the
complete opposite. How many thousand times a day do
you need to do that? My arms got a lot of exercise bringing
things close out of habit and then pushing them away.

I now have a deep appreciation for the fears of other
people no matter how silly it seems to me. I knew I
was being irrational, I was having a melt down because
of all the chemicals I had been exposed to but I could
not stop myself from feeling so overwhelmed.

Two days later I was doing a lot better, both physically and
mentally I was on an even keel and my brain was getting used to
the reversal and my eye was beginning to see a lot better. I
now had clarity and depth of my distance vision and I finally
realized that I needed new reading glasses of a weaker
strength.

Who would have thought that such a simple surgery that
millions of people have would have sent me into such a
tizzy. I am grateful for the the compassion and understanding
that I now have for others who are reacting to what I deem
to be “simple”. I am never too old to learn, Thank God.

I am including a video that will inspire and touch your heart.

Beautiful, Inspiring Musician! Brought tears to my eyes..

A video of a young Chinese girl playing the piano is about to make
your day.

The footage may force us to examine the excuses we make not to tackle
those major challenges in our own life.

“Souvenir D’enfance” by Richard Clayderman is not an easy piece to play.
The girl plays beautifully, with the sort of lyrical maturity not often found in
youngsters new to their instruments

Even more impressive, she first sat down at a piano a mere three years ago.

And if that wasn’t enough to wow you, she has no fingers on her right hand.
Watch this amazing performance.

Click Here…
Love and Light

Mary Grace
www.TheWoundedChalice.com
www.TheWoundedChalice.com/blog
[email protected]
PO Box 403
Wales, MA 01081, USA
413-245-3977